Yet another widow

One element of widowhood is that you have to learn to do a bunch of things you relied on your partner for. This can be anything from D.I.Y. to handling the utility bills. From driving to being sociable on your own. For me it's cooking. Roz was a great cook and, with her health issues, we divided up the tasks into her doing the cooking and myself doing the majority of the tidying and cleaning around the house. I hadn't cooked anything that didn't require throwing things into an oven and turning on a timer in two decades - the exception being the occasional "proper" chips. So widowhood meant I had to improve my cooking skills and I'm happy to say that so far they're pretty damn good. I can make a delicious roast dinner, a very decent fry up and nice omelettes. I even started poaching eggs and have almost nailed it within a  couple of attempts. The irony is that you desperately want to share these achievements with your deceased loved one. Every time I make a

I've been thinking about this phrase a lot recently. Before widowhood I thought of it as a clear divide between the living and the dead. When we are alive we move on with our lives and, slowly but surely, we think less and less about our loved ones we lost.  For the vast majority of people I think this is absolutely true. It was for me after losing my father. It has been for me after losing a few friends and other family members. You miss them occasionally and you think about them from time to time but, faster than you expect, you move on and continue with your life. Roz and I would occassionally feel guilty about this and talk about it to each other. We would say how grateful we were that we still had each other and I would glibly state "life is for the living" and shrug my shoulders. But for a few of us - widows, children or parents of loved ones who left us before their time - we don't move on. Widows are in a third category - not alive, not dead but in limbo. We h

I had a chat with a non-widow friend a while ago and we had a pretty frank discussion about the myths and realities of widowhood.. To be clear these are my thoughts from my journey so far and everyone's journey is going to be different. That being said I've heard these sentiments repeated from most people I've spoken to. Myth : Grief is a linear journey with a beginning and an end. The first day is the most painful and it gets easier over time until you feel normal again Reality : Grief has many phases and while it does get less painful over time it isn't remotely linear. My experience and understanding from those further down the journey than myself is this:- First couple of weeks - I think this very much varies on whether you knew your loved one was going to die or not. For someone like myself who lost his wife to Cancer and had been watching her slowly die over time the first couple of weeks were a relief. Whichever way it happens you will have friends and family aro